Almost 2 years later

Just revisiting this blog after 1 years and 9 months of life. And honestly I don't feel much closer to any understanding of happiness. I've been in this state for as much of my life as I can remember. In feeling dissatisfied with my being down to my very core. To questioning and sometimes hating every inch of myself To feeling and knowing that there is some capability for me to be happy And there is a world in which I will feel happy and satisfied-- yet not knowing how to reach that world. There are an endless list of things that I could reflect on, and hopefully I will Especially in such a free form, one in which there is no second guessing every last word that I write I crave a brain free of extreme envy and guilt One that feels satisfied is satisfied and at peace with the woman that I am in the moment. For this post, I am just going to focus on 'romantic' relationships. Rather than stewing about past failures, I just want to focus on what I do want. Someone to walk with me and hold my hand after a long day Someone who holds my sweaty palm and tells me they don't care Someone who will go for long runs with me and push me to push myself harder Someone who I can be open about my struggles with depression with Someone who I can come home to and snuggle into their shoulder Someone who I can call on my walk home from class Someone who I can introduce to my family Someone who wants to go on spontaneous weekend trips But mostly I just want someone who will want to love me.